Lost silence

I long to speak the deepest words I have to say to you;
but I
dare not, for fear you should laugh.
That is why I laugh at myself and shatter my secret in jest.
I make light of my pain, afraid you should do so.

I long to tell you the truest words I have to say to you;
but I
dare not, being afraid that you would not believe them.

That is why I disguise them in untruth,
saying the contrary of
what I mean.

I make my pain appear absurd, afraid that you should do so.

I long to use the most precious words I have for you;
but I dare
not, fearing I should not be paid with like value.

That is why I gave you hard names
and boast of my callous
strength.

I hurt you, for fear you should never know any pain.

I long to sit silent by you;
but I dare not lest my heart come
out at my lips.

That is why I prattle and chatter lightly
and hide my heart
behind words.

I rudely handle my pain, for fear you should do so.

I long to go away from your side;
but I dare not, for fear my
cowardice should become known to you.
That is why I hold my head high
and carelessly come into your
presence.

Constant thrusts from your eyes keep my pain fresh for ever.

— The Gardener – Rabindranath Tagore
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5 responses to “Lost silence

  1. “for fear you should laugh.”

    “being afraid that you would not believe them.”

    “fearing I should not be paid with like value.”

    “for fear my cowardice should become known to you.”

    All these fears, why?

    “lest my heart come out at my lips.”

    Lost silence can lead to lost love. If you know the person, if he/she isn’t someone that’ll laugh, scorn, be angry if you tell them that you love them, then why not confess?

    I guess rejection and the awkwardness that you might feel when you two are together. I’m thinking about the movie, Pretty in Pink.

  2. Good enough for who, yourself or the other person?

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